


no use in crying after the sun

by nonbinarywithaknife (littleboxes)



Series: just let them REST alex [12]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: (1) Rather Important Ghost, ;), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gen, Ghosts, Grizzop (Implied), Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, grizzop pulls some celestial strings, it's all peacefully of old age and not really the focus though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23331523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboxes/pseuds/nonbinarywithaknife
Summary: sasha watches hamid multiclass into a rogue.
Relationships: Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan & Sasha Racket, Sasha Racket & Everyone
Series: just let them REST alex [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514891
Comments: 20
Kudos: 64





	no use in crying after the sun

**Author's Note:**

> title from "after the rain" by nick wilson

sasha dies old. her joints are creaky and her skin is wrinkled, and the bleached patch of hair has been hidden entirely by white. 

sasha dies with heavy crow’s feet by her eyes and laugh lines by her mouth, and surrounded by her kids. little maximus, who's starting to sprout grey hairs of his own, many of her former students, and even more of her current ones. 

sasha dies, and then opens her eyes. she can feel the difference in her limbs immediately. she rolls her shoulders and the familiar ache is gone. she looks at her hands, and sees smoothness she hasn’t seen in decades. and then she looks up. 

there is a person, in front of her. they’re wearing mostly black, and their face is hidden by a hood. she doubts her death is big enough to warrant hades’ personal attention. one of his people, maybe.

_you, sasha rackett, are an interesting soul indeed. we have watched you, and i have been sent to offer you a choice. most mortal souls from your plane reside peacefully in the astral plane after they die. you have more than earned a peaceful afterlife, sasha rackett, and so you have a place waiting for you in the astral sea._

“or?”

_or, you could choose to wander the material plane as a spirit. you would not be able to speak or interact with any of its inhabitants. you would feel no need to eat, or sleep. but you would be allowed to watch. for a time, at least. you would have to return here eventually._

sasha stares at the person. she’d given up on ever seeing her friends- her _family_ , her _real_ family, ever again. had died as at peace with it as she’d ever get. and now, a chance to see them again? even if they couldn’t see her back, it had been so long...

but why _her_? there were plenty of people in the world who would no doubt give everything to be in her position, and she was hardly _special_.

“why me?”

the person tilts their head. 

_apparently, one of artemis’ souls had a request. as this soul was..._ favored _..._ _she came to my lord and was... persuasive. and so you were brought here, instead of to the astral sea directly_. 

sasha can almost hear a hint of... resentment? in their voice about that fact, but it’s overshadowed by grief and joy in equal measure as she realizes who that _favored soul_ has to be. 

“grizzop... stubborn bastard,” she mutters, but her heart swells and she smiles. it’s nice to know he hasn’t gotten any less stubborn in death. 

she can feel where her heart wants to take her. it _aches_ , her heart, for the chance to see them again. 

“i could really... go back? and see them? and how long is _a time_?”

the person pauses a few seconds before replying. 

_i was given to understand that there were other souls that you would wish to observe. until the last of them dies, was the agreement that was reached._

sasha crosses her arms. uncrosses them, and paces. reaches inside her jacket, and is surprised to feel the familiar handles of her daggers. she spends a few minutes twirling them, while the person stands, apparently content to wait. 

“alright. yeah, i’ll- i’ll go back. so, uh, how exactly does this work?”

the robed person doesn’t answer her, but instead melts into the wispy shadows around them. she takes a second to admire their skill, before her vision is filled with black, and she thinks no more.

sasha opens her eyes an indeterminable amount of time later, to a sight that brings tears to her eyes. 

hamid, dressed impeccably of course. azu, armor still glowing like the walking beacon of I AM HERE that sasha remembers. _zolf_ , which is enough to make sasha blink out of the memories threatening to overwhelm her. 

she steps backward, which is a weird feeling, considering that she isn’t actually... touching the ground. or, at least, it _looks_ like she is, but she doesn’t actually _feel_ the weight of the ground against her feet, or gravity pushing down on her, or her _heart_ beating which is _very_ weird. but she shrugs the odd sensations off, and focuses on her friends. 

on second glance, they look- not good. harder. zolf is- zolf is _so different_. she wonders when he’d found them. or if he’d come back because of her and grizzop’s deaths? wonders what the date is, actually, how long it’s been since azu and hamid appeared back into rome without them.

but zolf’s hair is stark white, now, and shorter than when she’d known him. his beard’s white too, and braided differently, and he’s carrying a long pole with a blade on it rather than his trident- does he even follow poseidon, anymore? his legs are metal rather than water. he carries himself differently too. his face is more closed off, and he just looks... he looks _old_. it’s strange.

and then there’s azu. her mouth is down turned with worry, and her grip on her axe is tighter, and there’s something about the way she walks with hamid. like she’s afraid to take her eyes off him for fear he’ll disappear.

hamid has bags around his eyes that he hasn’t really bothered to cover up. he’s gotten more _dragon-ey_ , too, little patches of bronze scales on his neck and hands, and his face seems- just a bit pointier. he walks warier, now, different than when she’d known him. and when he speaks, he sounds- weary. tired. sasha aches to hug him. figures. one of the rare times she’d like to give him a hug, and she can’t.

and there’s a new person. a tall- elf? but eldarion’s ears had been longer, half elf maybe? sasha glares at them, a little. she’s not jealous they’re there instead of her. she understands. after all, a dead rogue needs to be replaced, and she’s _glad_ her friends have another person to protect them. but she can’t help thinking of the haughtiness of the only other elf she’s known, and she keeps a wary eye on the newcomer as she follows her friends deeper into the... dungeon? tower? she doesn’t actually know.

as they go, sasha listens, and learns the elf’s name is cel, and likes them the more that they talk. maybe not so bad, for an elf. half elf.

she follows them, and her attention keeps getting drawn to hamid. it’s him, zolf, and cel working together on the traps, mostly, and if she weren’t so concerned about them, she’d laugh at their attempts. that one was _clearly_ a poison trap, the hinge was _right there_ , although shamefully rusted. 

they reach tunnels and sasha realizes she’s _under the sea_. her eyes widen with wonder and she presses as close as she can to the glass before realizing that _she doesn’t need to breathe_. she steps forward through it, one eye on her friends, but they seem to be mostly fine, and the rest of her attention on the fish around her. it’s- sasha doesn’t have the _words_. which, well, that’s pretty par for the course, but she thinks she understands, a little, why zolf would follow poseidon, if it felt like this. why he’d chosen the sea.

she spends a few more minutes there, before heading back to her friends. 

gradually, as they keep walking, she pieces together their mission. stop somebody called shoin, who has been attacking cel’s village. find a cure for the plague (?) or something to do with blue veins that, whenever it gets mentioned, makes the shadows in zolf’s face look longer. the little game that shoin seems to have set up makes a shiver run down her spine, and reminds her too much of barrett’s little mind games. 

when hamid is separated from the others, with only skraak for company- and sasha finds she likes skraak. they’re quick, and snippy, and he seems to be getting more and more comfortable with the knife in his hand- sasha pauses, trying to figure out who to follow. azu looks like every step away from hamid is causing her pain, and zolf is even stonier than before, and sasha is _pretty sure_ cel is doing that ‘stay positive even things just keep getting worse’ thing again. 

she peeks through the grate, and sees hamid trying not to panic. she makes her decision, and apologizes to azu and zolf.

hamid ends up in a chamber that reminds sasha _far too much_ of mr ceiling’s lair for comfort. she trails him as he investigates, and feels _so proud_ when he puts an invisibilty potion to his mouth and stalks forward. and forward. and peers over the corpse’s shoulder, and _doesn’t drink_. she can’t hair his footsteps at all and she’s pretty sure she can only hear his breathing because she’s so close, and she can feel a knot of pride in her throat. 

and she laughs when he snarks back at the voice on the speaker, in his faux-snotty way, laughs as he riles it up. 

laughs until hamid is alone in the room with the exploded remains of a corpse and a very real threat, and then she pulls out her daggers, even though she knows she can’t actually _do_ anything with them. 

and then the others burst in. and there’s a horrible mechanical noise, and then an enormous shadow, and sasha flashes back to the mr ceiling monster that had _never even been real_ and tries not to growl in frustration and worry that this has all been a simulation. would she even be affected by a simulation, though? because she’s _dead_. 

she watches the fight from hamid’s side, watches as his worry grows and his exhaustion grows with it and she recognizes the anger and helplessness on his face when he’s out of spells. 

and then hamid yanks the stopper of the potion and downs it. and she can’t technically see him anymore but she’s dead and the greatest rogue in the world, and nothing like _invisibility_ is going to stop her from staying by her friend’s side. 

he stealths to azu’s side, and sasha sees her friend’s eyes widen with relief a second before _blazing orange_ fills her vision.

and then there’s a screeching pile of mostly melted metal on the floor and an exhausted, wilting halfling next to azu and sasha cries with relief and pride. 

even after everything, after shoin and the underground and the _kobolds_ that filled sasha with such a deep rage she wished for a hundred more squizard bodies to stab until her hands bled, they’re above ground again. they meet up with _oscar wilde_ , of all people, and sasha does a double take. there’s a scar on his face, but it’s the blankness that throws her. 

there’s no cockiness, no cleverness, no jokes. just. _chill_. and sasha- sasha pulls out her daggers and follows hamid. he wanders through the village, stopping at what she thinks is a general store? of some kind? maybe? he doesn’t look at anything, just beelines to a dagger, and buys it. slaps the gold down wordlessly, then leaves. 

and so sasha watches. watches hamid wake up too early and go to bed too late, practicing stances with the dagger. she comments on his form, goes to correct his grip, but her hands always go right through. doesn't stop her though. and he learns.

he somehow gets a hold of books on traps and poisons, and sasha wishes he could hear her, especially because the books never tell you that trick about tripwire hinges, and she thinks about how nobody ever thinks to look _up_ for traps, _including_ so called “traps experts” who write “books” about subjects they don’t even “know about.” honestly. how many of _them_ have successfully disabled a coffin trap under pressure?

and then there’s a person, guiding hamid’s practices, who sasha doesn’t recognize personally and she glares at them for a few days before seeing the practicality. no one would be better to teach hamid but her, _obviously_ , but she supposes this person will do. they pull a flip during a demonstration that makes her eyebrows raise, and sasha supposes she can respect their craft.

but. hamid _learns_ , and in fights, she starts to recognize his movements. it’s like looking in a shorter, wider mirror. also fancier. he’s toned down the colors of his outfits only _slightly to_ accommodate his stealth. the first time he scouts ahead and she has to take a few seconds to actually pick out his form in the shadows, she laughs in delight. 

she sees hamid take the first dagger, and nods approvingly. it’s well made, and he only has the one. back ups are important. preferably at least ten, but she supposes he has time. she wonders how he’s getting them all inside his suit jacket, though. it’s not like hers, tighter than her leather was. magic, maybe? 

and then one day, hamid finds a damascan adamantine dagger, and sasha whistles. that one’s _good_. hamid tucks it in his jacket, and the group moves on, but later. later, after she’s made her rounds through the group, checking on them all, hamid pulls it out again, and starts to speak. 

“sasha, i. maybe it’s- maybe it’s stupid, to talk to you, i know you can’t actually hear it, and, and- you might not even be dead, and if you are, i don’t know where your body is, but. we _miss you_ , you know? _so much_. and i, i know you never really- you had trouble, with that kinda stuff, but. i just, i hope you know that. knew that. and i, i’ve sort of been. learning. your _rogue_ stuff. 

none of us can do it really, and i guess it’s a little practical, but mostly i just. i _miss you_ and i miss grizzop _so much_. and. and i guess... i get it now, you know? i never really- you were always so _attached_ to your daggers, and i guess i sort of just assumed, well, _they’re her weapons_ , of course she’s attached, but- but it wasn’t just that, was it? i,” he laughs, and sniffles, and wipes his nose on his sleeve, and continues, tears dripping down his cheeks slowly, “i don’t even know how to put it into words. but i think i get it, now. and i just. i’m doing this for you. and i- i guess, i just want you to know i love you. and grizzop, and- you’ll always be a part of my family, sasha.”

sasha sits- for a loose meaning of the word- on the bed beside hamid, and wraps her arms around him. she knows he can’t feel it, and her arms sink through him, but heart feels- feels like it’s going to burst out of her chest and she hugs him and they cry together, hamid loud and snuffly and sasha in dead silence.

_{ hamid finishes his little speech, and he stares at the dagger and cries. and for a second- just a second, he could almost feel arms around him, squeezing him in a hug. but the sensation is gone as soon as it appeared, and he sets it aside as his emotions getting the better of him. }_

azu tells hamid that she would be proud and she _aches_ to tell him that herself. because she’s _right_ , every time hamid melts into the shadows or scouts ahead or disables a trap, she wants to jump and point and scream, _that’s my friend!_ _he’s the best rogue in the world (technically, sasha isn’t_ in _the world, given the whole, technically a spirit wandering the material plane thing, and she decides she’s alright passing along the title to hamid_ ) _, and he has_ magic!

she watches hamid disable a trip wire before staring at incredulously, and sasha is both proud of him for disabling it so fast, and slightly disappointed in him for not taking the shortcut. _yes_ , technically, he doesn’t know about the tripwire trick, but still! sasha could have shaved off seconds. but she watches zolf clap him on the shoulder and she is thankful for him telling hamid what she can’t.

(and later. much, much later, after sasha has guided azu’s soul to the astral plane and then cel’s and zolf’s, she guides another soul to the astral plane. she takes hamid’s hands in hers, and says, “i am _so proud of you_ ,” and finally she pulls him into a hug. they cry, and then they walk into the astral sea together. 

sasha is finally at peace and with her friends, and those things have always come as a pair.)


End file.
